evolution of what i listened to before bed but it gets progressively worse
not my best look but not my worst
I can’t fall asleep to silence. I’ve heard that this can be a sign of abandonment issues, but rest assured, it’s not - it’s because my mind won’t shut the fuck up, and noise basically cancels out my brain waves (scientifically proven).
It started in high school when I thought I could cram last-minute studying in my head by listening to lectures and evolved into this habit. The types of videos I watch come and go with phases that are pretty random. Today, I reveal the phases I have gone through but they progressively get worse.
14. Adam Norris
When: Sophomore year of high school
If you took APUSH with Luft, then you know Adam. The nights approaching every APUSH exam, I would listen to his videos, hoping the knowledge would seep into my dreams. I’m convinced this method somewhat worked even though my dreams were never set during the Industrial Revolution or Shay’s Rebellion or something like that.
13. BookTube (Jack Edwards and Lily Reads)
When: End of 2022
Back then, I didn’t even read ironically. I just enjoyed hearing people trash talk shitty romances aka Colleen Hoover and whoever wrote The Spanish Love Deception. Unfortunately, Jack leaned more into his positivity era, and I’m not here for that.
12. Abbey Sharp (a dietician)
When: Spring of 2020
Back in freshman year of college, I used to watch Maggie MacDonald a lot. Who is she? Some white girl living in Boston. Why? Because there’s something calming about watching someone so privileged that their only stressor is the ten emails piled in their inbox.
Anyways, why I bring her up is she was notorious for believing in this concept of food combining, where you can’t eat certain foods together. There are several variations of the food combining rules, but the overarching belief was that the body digests things in order and separately. For example, it digests fruits faster than protein, but if you eat protein first and fruits after, the protein is like a clog, and the fruit can’t be digested.
I was so mesmerized by this level of stupidity. And so was Abbey Sharp, who roasted the fuck out of it.
11. Ted Talks
When: End of 2022
This was a short-lived phase of me trying to squeeze as much random knowledge into my brain every night.
10. American Ninja Warrior
When: End of 2019
I used to root for Joe Moravsky but not because he was the most good-looking or strongest or had some sob story - but because he was from Connecticut.
9. Random Tennis Matches
When: Junior year of high school
I would put on a 2-hour match like this one. Many a night filled with Zverev.
8. Cody Ko’s “The Button” Videos
When: Now
My current era.
7. Erik the Electric (Competitive Eater)
When: Summer of 2020
This man used to be my Thoreau, my Christopher McCandless, my Ralph Waldo Emerson. People dream of abandoning society and living in a cabin in the woods. I dreamt of eating the entire McDonald’s breakfast menu and biking it off.
6. ProZD (food reviewer? gamer?)
When: Periodically between 2020-2022
I still can’t decide if this man looks 17 or 35? No matter what phase of life I’m in, I will always be down to fall asleep to ProZD trying 59 different Campbell’s soups.
5. Chris Klemens (comedian?)
When: 2021?
Not sure why I stopped watching him. I think because he started reacting to 5-minute craft videos and the mere sight of those make me nauseous.
4. Graham Stephen (Personal Finance)
When: 2019
All I learned from this phase: $5 coffee = bad, mortgages (actually, jk - I still don’t know shit about these, how to finance a Tesla, the best credit cards of 2018, and best of all - how to become a millionaire!! (video evidence below, thanks to Bahar).
3. Story of Yanxi Palace (Chinese drama)
When: End of 2022
I go through periods of my life where I rewatch this drama obsessively. Concubines, poisoning, an ugly emperor - what more could you want in a show
2. Buzzfeed Unsolved
When: 2017?
This phase was short-lived because one of the videos actually seeped into my dreams, and I dreamt of a man getting shot. Of course, out of all the times I need shit to seep into my dreams, this is the one thing that did.
1. Conservatives (Ben Shapiro, Jordan Peterson, Steven Crowder)
When: 2019?
Let me be very clear here - I do not support any of these people!! But Ben Shabeebo, in particular, spoke with a specific cadence that just lulled me to sleep.
And on that terrible note, thanks for reading. I’ll post every Sunday till I forget.
I could never articulate why it is that I enjoy watching Gilmore girls until I read your reasoning for watching Maggie Macdonald
Buzzfeed unsolved second worst to conservatives is crazy